It’s been awhile…ya’ll probably thought I disappeared on you eh? I will never understand why I get the urge to write when it’s the wee hours of the morning and I can’t sleep, which seems to happen quite often lately.
I try really hard to keep the things I write inspirational and uplifting, but if that’s the only side of me I ever let you see then that would defeat the purpose of my blogging journey. Even the most inspirational and brightest of people have dark and trying moments. They have hurts and they have sadness, they have things that haunt them and things that make life hard.
That word seems to define my life. There’s so much that I don’t understand and I drive myself crazy sometimes seeking answers I’ll probably never find. I guess it’s not a bad thing, to ask questions and look for the answers. But it can be when some questions don’t have immediate answers, or any answers at all.
People don’t make sense to me. This chaotic, crazy world does not make sense to me.
I think one of the greatest questions I will ever have is one a lot of people ask…
…why do bad things happen to good people?
There are so many deserving people and they always seem to be getting shit on by the world that surrounds them.
Like people who get cancer or people who die too young.
And then there’s the small things that add up to what can feel like the biggest weight on your shoulders and any minute now you’re just gonna crash and not be able to get up again.
Some stupid boy comes along and breaks your heart into a million and one tiny pieces. Your best friend betrays you in a way you’ll never recover from. You try so hard to finish school, with good grades at that, all while keeping two jobs you don’t even like to pay for the debt schools putting you into. Your “friends” don’t seem so much like your friends anymore. Memories of the past are holding you back while you try your hardest to set yourself free.
Stuck. You feel stuck in this rut and you’re fighting to get out, but the more you fight the deeper you feel like you’re falling.
And here’s my other question…Why do people hurt people…and why do we do it on purpose?
This world is terrible all on it’s own, so why on earth do the people we love and the people who claim to love us hurt us on purpose? And why do we find it so easy to hurt the people that mean the most to us?
Maybe it’s because we think they’ll always be there. Or because they’ll forgive us. Or because tomorrow they’ll still be there for us to say we’re sorry and tell them how much we love them.
Our time here is short. So why do we so often spend it thinking we have more time than we probably actually do?
Why do we wait until tomorrow to apologize for the mistakes we make? Why do we wait until next week or next month to tell the person that we love that we love them? Why are we so afraid to let someone in because of what someone else did?
People are time wasters. They are believers in things they don’t have. People are taker advantagers, and while yes I know that’s not a real word, it’s what people are. They take advantage of the time they are given, of the things they are given, of the people they are blessed with.
And while I too am often guilty…I do not understand it.
This world is a mess and it does not make any sense to me…
…sometimes I do not even make sense to myself.